Want to know something that drives me bananas?

“Retail therapy”.

Whether it’s a conscience realization or not, retailers and influencers perpetuate this idea that if we’re sad, insecure or if we want to be popular and trendy that we have to buy all of the new things, buy into the trends or mask our woes in shopping.

It’s genius but it’s detrimental to our finances and ultimately, our families.

How many of us have fallen prey to this idea and walked into Target only to walk out with hundreds of dollars of clothing, decor and other useless, albeit cute, knick knacks that we absolutely couldn’t afford or at best, could’ve spent on something higher quality or more meaningful?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to shop and if you’re in a position to do so without putting your family at risk of going further into debt for any reason other than absolute necessities, I don’t think it’s inherently “bad”. But I’d go out on a limb and guess that for most of us, especially young mothers or wives, that’s not the case. And we’re preyed on the most.

Decorating, organizing, fashion hauls and videos of the sort fly by on our screen all day every day. They entice us and make us feel like if only we could have what they have that we’d be happier in our situations or that we’d be fulfilled if we had the latest neutral water bottle or clear organizing sets. Like somehow if we get our hands on whatever is trending that we’d suddenly be filled with joy or that our household would thrive.

The “treat yourself”, “you deserve it”, “retail therapy” culture is not safe for our mental health or our family’s budgets.

Now I walk this line very carefully because I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but I want to talk about my experience.

As a stay at home mom who currently doesn’t make any income, we are living off of Dustin’s salary. We are working towards being completely debt free, we’re working on being able to tithe more and we’re working on being able to go on vacations and save money for when Dustin will have to have his next heart surgery. We have financial goals that we’re working on together. Now how would Dustin feel, to come home after a long day of working hard to provide for our family and our goals if he came home and I had spent a chunk of money that we hadn’t agreed upon on things we didn’t absolutely need? Especially in an attempt to make myself feel better about something or because I was coveting what someone else had? Now I’m not saying that you should have to ask for permission to make purchases, but I don’t think it’s right, nor Biblical, to not discuss and be on the same page about how you’re spending your money. I would say the same thing if I was working, we were both working or if he was the one making unnecessary or frivolous purchases. I know this isn’t a popular opinion because we live in a culture where not having multiple credit cards is taboo and you should buy whatever you want and hide your Amazon boxes from your husband, but just because it’s popular, doesn’t mean that it’s right.

Now believe me, I get it. I understand wanting something new to spruce up your wardrobe or falling in love with something you saw an influencer share for the upcoming season. Even so, I believe it is possible to be content with what you have and to save up for things you truly want or to make what you have work- especially in a season of saving or working on paying off debt.

All that to say, don’t go into debt for the sake of “retail therapy” and make your best effort to make and stick with financial goals that will benefit yourself and your family. There are healthier ways to heal from pain, to manage your mental health and managing your money should not be something to be taken lightly for the sake of your future, your family and your marriage.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” - Matthew 6:24

I also want to mention, because I know this struggle as it’s the season I’m in, I know how hard it is to be in a season of weight loss and want new clothes. When you’re on that journey it matters that you feel good with what you’re wearing and that it makes you feel confident where you’re at.  I’m learning that it’s good to have weight loss (or gain) goals, but it’s not healthy to ignore where your body is at in the in-between just because it’s not where you want it to be. I’ve been losing weight for the last 10 months and it’s so hard to not go out and buy a whole new wardrobe every season because I just want to feel good in my clothes. I highly encourage you to try and find a few pieces in your current wardrobe that make you feel good and then thrift the rest or if you’ve saved clothes from previous years, which I always recommend to do because bodies fluctuate frequently, get those out and find something that fits. Believe it or not, you can survive on two pair of pants and a few shirts- especially when you’re losing weight you don’t want an excess of every size so you really don’t need much. Hear me when I say this (because influencers won’t tell you this) you need to:

• wear what you want

• wear what you love

• wear what makes you feel confident even if it doesn’t fit the color pallet or vibe of that season’s trends

With that, I want to give you a few tips on how to repurpose your wardrobe from other seasons to fit the current season you’re in, taking finances and weight into mind.

TIP #1 - Dress for your body type NOW.

Not later. One of the biggest mistakes that I’ve made is trying to dress in clothes that I’m excited to wear, but then I put them on and I’m disappointed in how they look because they’re not made to flatter the body type I have right now. They may work when I get closer to or hit my goals, but not now. We have two choices. We can either continue to wear those clothes and be disappointed and make ourselves feel worse or we can set those clothes to the side, find something that makes us feel great right now and then look forward to wearing those clothes in the future. Now that’s not to say that you can’t wear it, but if it’s taking more of a toll on you than it is helping your journey, put it to the side and save it for later.

TIP #2 - Shop your archives.

If you don’t have archives, this isn’t going to help you but it should encourage you to start one now. Whenever I grow out of something, whether it’s too big or too small, if I really love it, I save it. I put it into a bin and then when my body inevitably fluctuates I go back and shop the archives. This helps me to not spend money whenever my body changes and it makes me feel better knowing that I have options set aside.

TIP #3 - Develop a pallet.

This takes some time but it doesn’t have to be done overnight. Do a closet clean out and keep what you love and what fits inside the color pallet that you’re naturally attracted to. My personal style is neutral which is helpful because then I can use it pretty much all year. I’ve found that if you have your staples (t-shirts, pants, tanks) in neutral colors that you can use them all year long and then accessorize with jackets, oversized button downs and shoes to customize your wardrobe to particular seasons. My favorite thing to do in the spring and fall is to accessorize with blouses and jackets and then in the winter with sweaters and fun pants and in the summer I like to add fun jewelry and sunglasses. If you have your basics and then 2-3 statements pieces to rotate and mix and match, that’s plenty for each season. Regardless of what influencers may say, if you’re on a budget or you’re attempting a life of minimalism, you don’t have to jump on every trend (that you’ll most likely regret) and this can help you invest in quality pieces and avoid fast fashion.

TIP #4 - You can trend, on a budget.

That being said, you can certainly trend on a budget. I like searching on Pinterest or keeping a style board of saved posts on Instagram to reference when I do have a little bit of cash to spend on myself. I go back and scroll through it when I’m looking for inspiration. It helps to reference people who look like you (body style) because then you can see what trends you’d actually like to try and what may not be the best for your body type. You want to invest in pieces that work for you and that you may be able to recycle in a future season. And trust me, if you spend all of your time looking at women who don’t look like you, but that you want to look like, is only going to make you feel worse about yourself right now. Once you’ve decided what you want to try that season, try to narrow it down to two or three pieces. Start by taking inventory of what you currently have and then make a list of things you want to buy. You may find something in your closet that if you style differently, it works or it will at least give you an idea of the textures and colors you want. Once you’ve done that it’s time to go thrifting and look for whatever is on your list. Don’t buy it unless it fits, looks like what you want and it’s in good condition. There’s no reason to compromise. Keep looking until you find what you’re looking for & stick to the list, this will help you save money. I’ve found that if you’re looking for something specific, look for textures and pull anything that is the texture you want (I.e corduroy, knit, velvet) and try it on or look at it. You’ll miss gems if you’re only looking for specific colors or a color/texture combo. You never know what you might find that is a variation of what you’re looking for within your budget and overall color pallet!

TIP #5 - Don’t feel like you HAVE to buy for each season.

I know this feeling all too well, but just because everyone is jumping on a trend or it’s the new season and new collections are coming out, doesn’t mean that you have to buy it. Your worth and value does not correlate with what you’re wearing or what season it’s from or what year it debuted. Brands only matter if you decide they matter. If you’re someone that likes buying each season but needs to stick to a budget or not buy something that season, I encourage you to utilize your resources intentionally. Pick a few pieces, dedicate them to the season and find different ways to mix and match. Once the next season comes around choose different pieces. This will help you wear all of your wardrobe, get the most out of the season and it will make you look forward to wearing new things when the next season comes around.

I hope you found those tips helpful and I want to encourage you that if you’re struggling in this area, there is no shame.

You can take what you know now and go forward. Just know, you’re set up for failure with advertisers, corporations and influencers coming for your every dollar; it’s inevitable that you run into it every day. But it doesn’t mean that you have to let it dictate and control how you spend your money and how you work through your feelings. Seek Jesus, counseling, community and other healthy coping mechanisms if you’re struggling. Limit your exposure to influencers, email lists or apps that keep you in an addiction of shopping and have a friend or spouse keep you accountable if it’s something that you can’t simply cut out. There is freedom when you become content with what you have and realize that money truly does not buy happiness.

xoxo - Ry