I have grappled with this post for awhile now because although I’ve wanted to share my experiences, I didn’t feel qualified to speak on such a heavy, extensive topic.

Until it dawned on me that the doubt I was feeling was coming from the very thing I didn’t want to talk about: spiritual warfare.

In this week’s podcast Cassie shared her testimony and near the end she shared about how her family has been having issues with sleep and how she’s been laying hands on them and praying over her kids. That is an example of spiritual warfare. Hearing her share about that has prompted me to really evaluate where I was battling in my own life and over these last few months it’s been something that I’ve been really intentional about. Although I’ve been aware of it for years and I’ve struggled with it in tangible ways on and off, I decided that I was done with all of the fear that I was constantly letting circulate in my heart and mind.

A close friend of mine from High School and I used to talk about this quite often. We didn’t feel like we were getting taught about it enough in our youth group, if ever. Obviously we were taught that the enemy was seeking our hearts and minds and that we needed to guard it. What we weren’t really taught was about the angels, demons and other spiritual creatures that were constantly battling all around us- scratching the surface between our tangible universe and the one that we cannot physically see.

Ephesians 6:12

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

I don’t intend for this post to be teaching you about anything- how to fight it off or the specifics of spiritual beings- I’ll leave that to more seasoned theologians. (Here’s a great playlist of videos that explains things rather simply.)

Rather, I want to share my experience with this difficulty that I’ve been facing lately because I truly don’t think that we talk about it enough. But what I’ve realized is that when we do talk about it, it doesn’t necessarily make it worse, in fact it often makes it better because we’re not hiding in shame or fear in darkness- we’re ripping that cover off and exposing it to the light and darkness physically cannot be in the presence of light.

I know that a lot of us are struggling with extreme spiritual warfare and some of us don’t even realize that it is what it is. But God makes it very clear that we are to be on guard and to put on the armor. He doesn’t just use these metaphors for any old reason, there is a battle being waged for our hearts and our minds and although we have a whole spiritual army fighting for us- we also have a responsibility to be on guard.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.”

Ephesians 6:11

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.”

I’ve been going back and forth on how exactly I want to share but I decided I’m going to give you a few stories of things that have happened recently so that you may be able to start seeing examples in your life that you should be on guard about.

Before I go into those I want you to know that if you have Jesus you have absolutely nothing to fear. Jesus makes it clear- especially in Matthew 8 that He has fully authority over demons. He also makes it clear not to fear in 2 Timothy 1:7:

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

This means that although you will experience the feeling of fear as it is a natural human reaction, it is not OF God and you can be delivered from that spirit through prayer and thanksgiving. I’ll share more about this after I share my stories and tell you about the couple of things that I do when I’m faced with extreme fear and anxiety.

A recent example was that a few months back I was struggling heavily and one night before I was supposed to meet with a therapist for Hayden, she was coming to my house, I woke up paralyzed in fear. I went into a full blown delusion and I was convinced that she was going to murder me or kidnap and traffic Hayden. It was absolutely absurd, especially once I met her a few weeks later when Dustin was home. But I canceled that appointment because I was so sick to my stomach, crying uncontrollably and I was deeply afraid. Now, I’m sure some of you are wondering, “well couldn’t that be God trying to give you a red flag and discernment?” Although that crossed my mind we have to remember that God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear, He gives us sound mind. If this was really from Him I would have been able to make a calm and rational decision and chosen to not have her come. Rather, the situation was that I had a fear of someone who I didn’t know, being in my house when Dustin wasn’t home. It was also 3 am which is a huge spiritual warfare hour in my life, I had been woken up my noise and shadows from spiritual beings and there were some very, very specific fears that demons were playing off of, taking shape in and trying to convince me were happening. That right there tells me it was in no way from God. That morning I had an extremely difficult time working through that. I had to reach out to others to get out of that delusion and to stop seeing things that were happening in front of my eyes like they were real. I had to pull out my Bible, turn on all the lights, blare worship music and get people to pray over me. I woke Hayden up doing that but if I hadn’t, I would have sat in it for who knows how long.

I’ve also woken up to spiny hands around my neck. I’ve seen little characters that I knew were demons, especially ones that have been chained to people or running around taunting them. I’ve had feelings about people who I’ve loved and called them to find out things were going badly in one way or another. God has blessed me and put these thoughts into my mind so that I may pray for people. I don’t particularly like seeing things or knowing things, but I have to give it back to Him. I have an awareness of spiritual beings and feelings that I’d rather not have most of the time, but I know that God allows everything to happen for a reason and when I give that back to Him He protects, blesses and uses me as a vessel to further His kingdom.

I’ve had other things happen and experiences that were so terrifying that I prefer not to speak on them because I don’t want to put that imagery in your head. But I do want to leave you with some reminders and a few tools that I use to fight back.

It is important to know that demons are well aware of who is in charge- so much so that they cannot be in the presence of God’s light and His name.

James 2:19

“You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!”

Something my mom taught me growing up is that when you’re afraid you simply need to say “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” over and over again. Chant His name, praise Him, invite Him into that space. It never fails to calm my nerves.

When the fear is ongoing I pray and I invite others to pray with me through text (remember what I said about isolation & sitting in the darkness)- I pray out loud because once you break that barrier of that bondage of silence- you can feel God’s presence permeate the air. I’ll ask my angels to put a hedge of protection around me and my family and I’ll ask God to cast out any demons that are taunting me or that are in my space. I’ll whisper or sing worship music - this is my favorite line to recite when I get to that place - “Jesus, Jesus you make the darkness tremble. Jesus, Jesus you silence fear.”

I also want to encourage you about the importance of memorizing scripture. Obviously you can pull your phone out and read at any time, but in the middle of the night when my fear is debilitating and I feel paralyzed, I cannot even reach for my phone or my husband and all I have is my mind and what I can remember. “God does not give me a spirit of fear” is one that I chant over and over again a lot of times because it is pure, undeniable truth that even the demons cannot contradict. If you don’t have a verse like this, I encourage you to find one and make it your home screen on your phone and read it every time you pick it up. Seal it on your heart.

With all of that being said, I’ve also recently started being very, very careful about what I let enter my head. The evil one loves to take our thoughts captive and play with them. He loves to make things that don’t exist feel very, very real. He also loves to take any amount of evil we let in and multiply it into something that we then believe is right in front of us. Our minds are extremely powerful and permeable and what we let into them can become very real, very quickly even if it’s not actually happening to us. For instance, I’ve completely cut out crime shows, podcasts and books (AS I TYPED THOSE LAST TWO WORDS- an article about murder popped up on my computer notifications from my News app- NOT today Satan) because the imagery I was letting in was pure fear and evil. My mind could make so many things happen with that imagery from hallucinations, to dreams to demons taking forms in my household that ought not to have been there. I’ve filtered out the music that I allowed to play in my house because of the people who wrote it and performed and their alliance and clear support/worship of satanic principles and Satan himself. I didn’t want any spirit entering my home through those artists and the intentions that they had with their music. This doesn’t mean that I don’t listen to any secular music, it just means that if I have a bad feeling about a song or an artist, it goes. We do not watch any kind of horror movies or shows and if a commercial comes on that is going to stir up any kind of fear in me it gets muted and I avert my eyes immediately.

I am being very serious when I say that what you let into your heart and mind can have a huge affect on you and your family and Satan will literally use ANYTHING that he can against you so you must be on guard.

I love you, Jesus loves you and if this is something you struggle with I very much encourage you to reach out to a brother or sister in Christ who is strong in their faith who will pray with you. Someone who you can reach out to at 3 am if you need a prayer warrior. Don’t sit in that alone. Bring it to the feet of God everyday and ask for protection, peace and a sound mind. This was a very simplified post and if you’d like to dig into it more I encourage you to do it very carefully and Biblically. There is a lot out there that Satan can and WILL use to get ahold of you.

Blessings, Riley