Relationships are hard.

They take a lot of work to maintain and they take even more work to keep the spark alive. Sometimes we get so caught up in the mundane and the day to day that we are like ships passing in the night and we forget to really stop and connect.

It’s easy to feel like you wake up next to someone you don’t really know anymore and you wonder how you even ended up where you’re at. Every relationship has an ebb and flow and sometimes you caught up in the ebb a little too much, so how do you get out of it?

Well let’s go back to when you were dating. You were infatuated with one another. Every waking minute was spent thinking about the other person, talking to the other person or talking about that person. Whenever you could you were with them and you’d gush for hours about the little things they did. It’s a beautiful stage to be in, the initial discovery phase. I don’t like to call it the “honeymoon stage”, the “fun stage” or the “discovery phase” because every stage can be fun, the honeymoon concept is not fair for anyone because it sets unrealistic standards and truthfully, you’ll spend the rest of your life discovering and rediscovering each other. So let’s stick with initial discovery phase when you’re first getting to know them and you’re falling in love with their quirks and you’re discovering who they are. Every new piece of information leads you further into the cavern of their heart and you soon to start to make yourself right at home.

I assume by now you remember that phase and you may even be thinking about something you love that you learned in those early days. If you are, you’ve accomplished the first step to what you set out to do.

You see in order to get out of the ebb you have to remember how you first got into the flow in the first place. You have to go back to those early days, or special moments in time where you can be reminded of the love that you had for that person and what about them made you love them.

Daydreaming is a great way of doing this but looking back at mementos is even better. Looking through physical items such as your vows or letters you wrote to one another is beautiful. Going back through old clothes and wearing that sweater you wore on your first date can take you back. Even something as simple as looking through old photos or listening to a playlist you had on repeat during that time in your life can bring you back to those moments where you fell in love.

Sometimes we can get into a bad habit of not deeply appreciating or recognizing our partners. It’s important that we appreciate them for the little things they do around the house and in your life, but appreciating them for who they are is a completely different story. I encourage you, even if you’re not in a rough patch right now, go back through memories and turn a few pages back in time and spend a few minutes reminiscing. You may just find yourself feeling butterflies all over again and wanting to love all over your partner.

Love and Be loved,

xoxo – Ry