Boy meets girl.

Boy is infatuated with girl.

Boy wins over girl.

They live happily ever after.

Girl meets boy.

Boy has an “evil” girlfriend.

Girl plots to steal boy away from said girlfriend.

They break up.

Boy realizes he's madly in love with girl.

They live happily ever after.

These are just two examples of the predictable romantic plots that we see in every rom-com and tv show that gets thrown on Netflix nowadays.

I'm sure John could probably list a dozen more examples but these are the two that come to my mind initially. I know them so well because they're what Hollywood has tried to train us to believe is the example of an ideal relationship.

Even when we see the flaws in these models we naturally tend to take them on from fantasy and imagination to real life. It's easy to do when we're inundated with these plots from early on.

In elementary school I was watching Full House, Saved By the Bell, Boy Meets World, The Suite Life and Wizards of Waverly Place. These were all shows that loved to talk about “love”. Middle school relationships were encouraged, dysfunctional relationships were glorified and I took notice early on that if you weren't in a relationship in middle school or high school you'd be pegged as “weird” or “unloveable”.

By middle school I was watching rom-coms and teen flicks like Mean Girls, 27 Dresses and You've Got Mail. My evenings were spent watching Gossip Girl, Hart of Dixie and Glee. These shows set a precedence that if you weren't getting the guy that there was something wrong with you and that relationships with emotionally abusive tendencies and leading one another on were normal.

Later on in high school I added Friends, New Girl and Gilmore Girls to the list. Episode after episode I was drilling it into my mind that the relationships I was seeing on screen were how my relationships were supposed to go in real life.

Obviously if someone had said this out loud I would've realized the ridiculousness of the notion but subconsciously it's what I believed. I think it's what a lot of us tend to believe.

This brings up the point that we need to be careful with the quantity and quality of our media consumption. While I could do a whole post on that concept alone I want to actually go a different direction.

With so many different messages being pushed on us every day we need to start being very conscious with the things we believe and questioning our actions and thought processes.

Rather than simply treating your significant other a certain way or choosing to jump to a certain conclusion you need to ask yourself,

“Where did I get this idea from and what evidence do I have to back it up?”

When every song, show, book and podcast is telling us that our S.O. MUST be cheating on us if they're doing a, b or c, it's easy to jump to those conclusions. But if you actually looked at the evidence in that specific situation you'd know that all three signs had very valid explanations. In that kind of situation it'd be easy to jump to conclusions, stir up drama and create a big ole' thing out of it- but it would've been for nothing.

Television is created to be entertainment. If there wasn't drama it wouldn't be entertaining. It's not real life. So why do we treat it like it is our lives?

Another example is when we tolerate bad behavior because it's “movie worthy”. That guy that you're dating who is cute but “mysterious” and is constantly making you question your self worth because of the way he treats you- that isn't sexy. He's not going to be this amazing guy who ends up giving you everything you've ever wanted. He's bad news and you need to stop tolerating the way he's treating you. He's not going to turn around and be this swoon-worthy boyfriend, it's not going to happen.

We need to stop tolerating the Ross's in our lives. He had self-worth issues, was way too dependent on those around him and he was actually a bit emotionally abusive.

We need to stop accepting the Rachel's. Chasing after someone only to be treated like crap isn't okay- you deserve to be valued.

We need to stop romanticizing the Dean's. Jealousy and not being trusted when you've given them no reason not to trust you isn't cute. It's controlling and manipulative.

We need to stop choosing the Serena's. Being groomed, used and manipulated is not it. Beauty isn't everything and using it as a weapon shouldn't be encouraged.

Everywhere we look we are being told that if he treats you in a possessive way that he just wants the best for you and he's treating you like a queen. That's a lie.

We are told that if they flirt with you and spend time with you and give you their body that they're going to commit to you- even though they're doing that with five other people. That's a lie.

We are told that you don't need to have solid communication, as long as you're having fun everything will all work out. That's a lie.

We wonder why we're experiencing such disfunction in our relationships.

We wonder why we keep getting tossed around and why our self esteem is so low- yet we won't value ourselves enough to partake in healthy relationships.

Honestly I wonder how many people even know what a true healthy relationship even looks like.

As a society we need to do better.

We need to value ourselves more.

We need to stop idolizing and modeling our relationships after the ones we see on TV. Because even the “perfect” looking ones have their flaws and give us standards that no human relationship could actually live up to.

We need to stop shoving these ideals into our children's minds at such a young age and instead give them models of healthy relationships in our own homes and circles.

We need to stop encouraging toxic behavior amongst our friends and treating people like they're disposable. They're not.

When we fall into these cycles of messing around with people because it's fun and convenient, we fail to acknowledge their value and you cannot comprehend the emotional and mental damage that does to them. They may not even realize it because they're suppressing it with drugs, alcohol and more bodies.

We've gotten this whole thing wrong.

Rather than teaching our kids that they need to be in relationships as early as preschool by constantly asking “is that your boyfriend?” or “aww look, she has a crush on you!”– start normalizing healthy friendships. Talk about what it means to be a friend and model healthy friendships for your children.

Stop referring to men and women with derogatory terms or in ways that only associate their worth with their looks.

Stop looking at every person that walks by as a possible companion. Instead get to know them for who they are.

Stop romanticizing the relationships on tv by saying things like “he's the Ross to your Rachel” or “wow, what I wouldn't give for someone to pursue me like Schmidt pursues CeCe”. Those are unhealthy and unrealistic relationships and we need to stop comparing the relationships in our lives to those examples.

Stop going into relationships with these expectations and instead when you do feel that assumption creeping in or you want to take a rash action because of something they said or did, ask yourself where that belief is coming from and what the evidence is to back it up. More times than not you may find that the actions you want to take are based on skewed belief systems and dysfunctional examples that you've filled your brain with via media.

Life is not a movie.

Life is not a tv show.

Your relationships deserve more than to be treated like you're in a sitcom.

Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Don't jump to conclusions.

Don't make rash decisions because “it's romantic”.

Don't write people off because they don't fit your tv “dreamboat” expectations.

Don't throw relationships away because they're not as dramatic as last week's episode of the Bachelor.

Value yourself and the people in your life more than that.

There's beauty in the real world and in the real relationships, you just have to look up from the screen and enjoy them.

Love and be loved.

xoxo – Ry