Welcome to the Solidarity podcast,

where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is..

being a woman.

I took some time off, if ya’ll didn’t notice.

Taking time off to focus on home making was just lovely.

You may not have even noticed my absence, totally understandable.  We don’t seem to miss creators because there’s just so many of them, until we’re reminded of their existence. So hi, here’s your reminder that I exist.

I have actually been existing in a state that I’ve never existed in before for such a long period of time: rest.. and learning.

Redefining my existence and learning what it means to be a wife, mother and finding my purpose in these roles, right now, has been something.

I’ve always lived in the future filling binders and notebooks and calendars with plans upon plans upon plans.  So what does the planner do when she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do next?

I guess she sits down and looks around the room and thinks “what needs to be done?” and then she does it because she cannot exist outside of the busy, not yet at least.

Then she does all of the things in order from most obvious messes all the way down to the most minute details like dusting that crevice on the mantle she didn’t know even existed.

And then when that’s all done she sits down in the perfectly clean room and feels the weight of the messiness lifted off her shoulders.  Her mind is a little clearer and her energy is a little lighter. Then her husband comes home with a slight limp from a long day, dreading the pile of dishes and laundry that he’s usually met with only to be delightfully surprised by the nothingness. Nothing to do. Nothing to clean.  She notices and she gets butterflies because for the first time in her married life she’s taken stress away from her husband, she’s reduced his burdens, she’s brought a sense of peace to her household.

Suddenly it clicks.

Isn’t that her mission right now? Isn’t that what God has brought onto her heart to bring to other people? Peace? Solidarity? Feeling like they can just sit with what they’ve got going on because there’s room to do that?  There’s no pressure, no burdens?

She is obviously me, and that day that it all fell into place like perfectly lined up dominos, I realized that if I couldn’t bring that energy into my own house and practice the things that I’m trying to do for other people with my own family, I was as good as a fraud.  I mean, it’s not bad to help other people but how much more could I help them when I was actually operating from a healthy place myself? A whole lot more I’d expect.

That’s when I dove into homemaking and decided to take a few weeks off of work.  I had already been contemplating taking a break from creating and I had been interested in Instagram stories from @marriedandahouse about homemaking and what it means to be a daughter of God and how that translates to motherhood and marriage, but I didn’t  want to seem flaky with my professional projects.  I really care about this podcast and blog and showing up for women and I know how I can get when I start to burn out, I just fall off the wagon and watch it run away without me.

But not this time, I wanted to take an intentional break so I could catch my breath, check in with God and for some reason I felt like I just really needed this break to learn some things.

Boy was my intuition right and I’m so glad I followed that prompting.

I have done things I haven’t done in years, like sit and read a book. I’ve read, I think three books in the last week and a half, and it’s felt SO GOOD.

I’ve given attention to my son that has allowed him to establish routines and learn and I’ve made memories with him that many moms don’t have the chance to.

I’ve served my husband and fulfilled roles that I’m called to that I’ve been severely lacking in for the entirety of our relationship.  More on that to come because there is a very toxic feminist mindset I fell into that caused a lot of tension and distress in my marriage that didn’t need to be there and could have been avoided I I had just done things the way that God intended me to. Funny how that works.

I’ve given my attention to friendships that desperately needed attention.

I’ve shown up for family and served friends without thinking twice because I wasn’t inundated with to-do lists, plans and tasks.  I could just simply show up.

It felt like living in the moment, it felt like freedom. It felt like letting God decide how my days went instead of planning every second.  It felt good.

Trust me, it hasn’t exactly come easily and I still cringe when Dustin tries to change the plans on me, but I’m working on it.

I recently started reading Ann Voskamp’s “One Thousand Gifts” which I grew up listening to and around but I’ve actually started implementing it into my own life. Sitting in the present with gratitude. Listing what I’m thankful for, exploring what it looks like to show up and live in the moment and receive whatever God has for me right then. I’ve also paired it with going back through Annie Downs’ “100 Days to Brave” devotional because what we aren’t taught and why I think we get scared of the “housewife life” is because it isn’t looked at as extraordinary. It’s not looked at as brave. But oh in these last few weeks how I’ve learned it is so very brave.  It is brave to get up everyday and dedicate it to God.  It’s brave to serve your family.  It is brave to have the goal of propagating peace in your household, through your household.  It is brave to step outside of the popular norm and choose a family and sacrifice from what everyone tells you that you could have.  It’s brave to believe that what God has for you is bigger and better than any life picture anyone else could paint for you.  It’s brave to sit in the stillness.

It’s been through books that I’ve had time to read for the first time in years, as I’ve slowed down, that I’ve seen my obedience affirmed.  There have been so many little confirming breadcrumbs dropped right in my lap, that seem to spell out “yes daughter, you’re on the right track”.  I mean even as I was preparing this podcast, I came across a word from @feminine_not_feminist on Instagram, she said:

“Theology that is all about having a “breakthrough” or receiving the next big thing in life is damaging. It undermines the daily Christian walk, the years of sowing, the blessing of a “quiet and peaceable life” lived unto God. Maybe your “breakthrough” is a change of heart towards your husband, maybe it’s an increased joy in parenting, maybe it’s building a collection of recipes that you feel confident with. These are good and glorious.  A “Radical” Christian life is about faithfulness, not excitement. Living life on the edge of your seat will rob you of your present.  There are, of course, times of more and less excitement, but they aren’t some singular measure of God’s favor on your life. We need room for the mundane and the ordinary in our theology, that too can glorify God.”

Isn’t that so good? “Living life on the edge of your seat will rob you of your present!”   that is how I have been living. It just clicked.  Constantly looking for the next thing. Waiting to be changed- waiting for the change. I felt like I couldn’t have a testimony in the mundane because who cares about that? But really, that’s where a lot of us do care because that’s what we have too and we’re looking for that solidarity. In fact it reminded me so much of the woman at the well (John 4:4-42) and how Jesus showed up for her in the mundane task to talk with her and to love on her and to change her heart. As I’ve been called into these things that I thought were “below me” and the radical life I was “supposed to live”, I’ve seen how Jesus meets me there too and even sometimes more because it’s quiet and it’s just us and I’m listening and it’s beautiful.

As much as I want to do big things on social media & in music & in podcasting & in all of the things that requires me to spend so much time engrossed in something that has me looking down instead of up & around.

It requires me to take so much time away from my family.

It requires me to give so much of myself that I lose me.

It means that I’ll be so busy trying to make a living that I’ll lose out on the life that is right in front of me.

Being a homemaker, a wife & a mother is fulfilling, but only through God.

I always thought that the women who said this were just trying to make themselves feel better about not doing anything “successful” in the worlds standards but I was oh so wrong-

Being a homemaker & serving God through my family is rewarding because I am operating in my design.

No this doesn’t mean making every meal- trust me, nobody wants that.

It doesn’t mean doing all of the housework or doing all of the child rearing.

What it does mean is praying over our house, making a space that brings life, peace & welcomes in those who need a place to rest.

It means building my fellow homemakers up & spending time in community with them.

It means having true solitude & creating out of a place of real, genuine rest with zero expectations or strings of success attached.

It means not feeling the pressure & setting goals that are desirable, but may kill me & my family in the process.

It means not getting hung up on worldly success.

It means realizing that I don’t have to play into the “boss babe, independent, do it for me & have it all”, exhausting mindset.

I can shut down the lie that just because women can work in a work setting doesn’t mean that they have to.

It means that just because women fought for me to have a place outside of the kitchen doesn’t mean that I can’t come back to that.

It means fulfilling my role as a Godly wife to be able to support my husband & family the way that He intended me to- and not feel shame about that.

I’m happier than I’ve ever been and have far more peace because I’ve found balance. I’ve found when the house is run a certain way & I’m spending time with my family & time with God & actual time spent on myself- that I actually have more time to create because my cup is filled & I’m spending less time cleaning up clutter & spiraling from the stress of unkept messes & relationships.

It means I’m not having to hustle, I’m just simply doing the things & giving myself grace to realize that not everyday is going to look the same & if I allow God to guide my steps each day, it’s going to look how it’s supposed to inside of crumbling into a pile of my “supposed to’s”.

It means being more present & spending less time binging tv & social media. It means having more intentional conversations & encounters & spending time truly speaking up & contributing when I do spend time online. It means letting God fight my battles & giving me the words to say when I’m supposed to say them. It’s letting go of the numbers & it results in a lot more peace & a whole lot less anxiety.

This doesn’t have to be how you do things, but I think sharing my experience could be encouraging to those of you who feel like they’re drowning. I recognize that God has blessed us with the ability for me to stay home with Hayden & I realize that it is not an option for everyone & so I want to remind you that even if your situation does not look like mine, it doesn’t mean that you couldn’t achieve the relationship & the peace that I have.

I also have to let you know that it’s not perfect and some days have not been good. We’ve still fought, the house still is a little messy when we go to bed , the dishes still fill the sink as I speak, Hayden sometimes watches an annoying parrot because I need a second. I still have moments of anxiety & these last few days I’ve been spiraling about money & I’ve had to really lean into God to ground me. It’s not perfect & it never will be- at least not on this side of heaven.

So my encouragement to you today is to slow down, evaluate what needs doing & just do it. If that means resting, do nothing. If that means cleaning & making a peaceful environment, crank that music & get to work. Whatever that looks like for you, know that you’re brave for doing it & we’ll get through this life, one day at a time, one choice at a time.

Share this with a woman who you want to challenge & encourage today, help me get the word out on social media and if you’re feeling it, subscribe and leave a review to help get it out to others on the algorithm who need to be shown some solidarity. Thanks again for listening and be sure to check back next Wednesday for a new episode!

As always, I’m so glad you’re here.

You’re wanted, needed and loved.

I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.

xoxo - Ry