Angry Mommy Syndrome
Welcome to the Solidarity podcast,
where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is..
being a woman.
The newborn stage is hard.
It’s like trying to learn a new language while someone is banging pots and pans in the background and another is whispering horrible things in your ear telling you that you can’t do it.
It’s frustrating and discouraging.
You’re met with a little human who wants nothing but needs everything. Meanwhile your hormones are raging and you’re on a roller coaster of emotions.
You become short tempered and impatient only to fall into tears because this helpless, precious baby isn’t trying to push you over the edge and you need to be better- but it feels physically impossible to be better.
You figure out their needs only to be met with a new preference and you pull out your hair trying to figure out how to cater to this new need.
Until one day you wake up and you realize that something worked. And then it works again and again and you’ve gotten over that hump. You conquered that thing you thought would kill you. On to the next one.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m in the middle of the hard parts, I tend to get angry. Like, really, really angry. I get angry because I’m losing control and then I get angry at myself for losing control. It just feels like this big wave crashing over me and I lose my breath and my bearings and I typically lose everything else in the process. I tend to be a yeller, which I’m not proud of. I snap easily.
Postpartum though, it’s gotten so much worse. I didn’t actually know this was a thing until it started happening and I started googling, “why do I get so angry postpartum”? Suddenly I stumbled across a concept I had never heard anyone talk about with postpartum- and I did a ton of research.
Postpartum rage- aka, angry mommy syndrome.
I had no idea this was a thing, but seeing that made me realize that I wasn’t alone and it honestly made me feel a little better.
The smallest, most insignificant things were setting me off and I felt horrible that I was losing it on Dustin literally every 10 seconds and that Hayden had to be around that.
I felt ashamed because as soon as he’d start crying uncontrollably or he wouldn’t sleep or eat, I’d start to lose it. I’d feel the anger bubbling up inside of me and as much as I’d try to push it down, I felt like I’d always explode in angry hot tears. It got to the point where Dustin would have to take him. I would never hurt my child, but part of that is knowing when to set them down or give them to someone else. It’s crazy to say this, but I really think it needs to be said because it’s more dangerous for other people not to hear this, once you’ve experienced postpartum anger, you can understand why shaken baby syndrome is a thing. My biggest tip is if you’re dealing with postpartum rage is that even if they are crying and no-one else is around to take them, if you feel that anger bubbling up, set up them down in a safe spot like a crib or a mat on the floor and walk away. Cry, scream, hit a pillow- whatever you have to do to calm down so you can come back and tend to their needs. There is zero shame in doing that. I know that’s a scary thing to say but from conversations I’ve had with other parents, I’d be willing to say every parent experiences a moment like that at some point and it’s important to know that It’s better to set them down for a minute, even if they’re crying, rather than try to push through because someone may inadvertently end up hurt in that process.
I will encourage you though, it gets better.
Thank the Lord it got better. I still have my moments but at 3 months postpartum I have much more control over my emotions and I tend to be a bit gentler in my delivery. (I recorded this 3 months ago.
I’m not sure exactly what caused it. If I had to guess I’d probably say it was a mixture if hormones, exhaustion, feeling touched out and extreme overwhelm from my new responsibilities. In fact, it kinda makes sense when you lay it all out like that.
So if you’re feeling the anger, know you’re not alone. This obviously doesn’t give us permission to be mean to our family and partners, but it does explain it a bit. I can’t tell you exactly how we got through it because there wasn’t a definitive beginning or end. But I do know that I had to refocus on God every morning. I had to ask for a lot of forgiveness from Him & Dustin and Hayden and Dustin had to be very, very patient with me.
I will mention, if you are experiencing postpartum rage, talk to someone. Let your partner know it’s a thing and you don’t just hate their guts. Talk to your doctor if it doesn’t seem to be getting better and if it’s recurrent, you may be able to do something for the hormones. But again, this won’t be forever, you will get through this.
I want to look back and remember how strong I was. Even when I was weak and had bad moments, I was still really strong. And man, how strong my husband was for carrying me through the moments I thought would be the death of me. We’re doing this and one day we’ll be able to look back and say “we did it”.
If you’re in the throes of this stage, or you’re about to be, it’s okay to fall apart. But then pick yourself up or let someone around you pick you up and keep going. Hate the moments you need to hate and then treasure the beautiful ones because there are so many. It’s hard, but it’s not all bad, even when it feels like it. Embrace the extra cuddles and the wide wondering eyes and hold tight to those when everything else is falling apart. Take the pictures in those moments because one day you’ll look back and be able to say “I did it” and you’ll want to remember the sweet seconds that got you through.
Don’t forget to share this with a woman who you want to encourage today, share this on Facebook @solidaritypodcast or Instagram @riley_quin and tag me so we can get the word out on social media and if you’re feeling it, subscribe and leave a review to help get it out to others on the algorithm who need to be shown some solidarity! Thanks again for listening and be sure to check back next Wednesday for a new episode!
As always, I’m so glad you’re here.
You’re wanted, needed and loved.
I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.