5 Things 2020 Taught Me
Here we are, 2021 is creeping up right around the corner and we all have our obligatory end of the year posts to get up. They're cheesy, I'm well aware, but they're timeless. As much as I like to live everyday like it's the beginning of a new year, I also realize that there is something symbolic that happens within our energy when that clock strikes midnight. We mentally reset and there's something to be said for that. I've learned a lot this year, not actively as I feel like it's been a year of immense rest- even if it was a forced rest. It's sad because as much as I did lay low I also feel extremely exhausted from the always changing circumstances that we faced this year- I feel like many of you can relate. With that being said, I can look back and summarize the year into a few key lessons that I learned through the experiences I was forced to have.
Things can be both important AND set to the side.
One of the hardest things to deal with this year was the constant shouting. Everywhere you went you'd hear shouting and arguing and baseless accusations coming from every which way. If you didn't do x, y or z you “obviously didn't care about ______”. If you prioritized yourself over these things the same stood “true” about you. It was exhausting. Many nights I beat myself up for not doing and being and caring enough- even though I cared immensely and I was doing as much as I could emotionally and mentally handle. Throughout the constant changes of the political and social climate I learned through stepping back and allowing myself to see things from the outside that as much as these people cared enough to get so hostile, they had it wrong. You can both care about something and say “I cannot handle this emotionally today, I will revisit it tomorrow”. Sitting in a constant state of discomfort, for the sake of someone else, isn't doing either party any favors. If you are not doing well mentally, you will not be able to serve others. You cannot serve out of an empty cup. I believe that is the reason that so many are so exhausted and so emotional because rather than take the time to rest they pushed on with the berating and name calling and screaming and now their voices are hoarse and they take to their keyboards because they don't realize the importance of sitting down and resting. Yes, there are so many people to fight for and so many people that need to be shown a whole lot of extra love and you can sacrifice some of yourself to help them, but if you're giving them your all – 24/7 – you aren't helping them to the full capacity that you could be. Sit down, shut your mouth and close your eyes. Rest. Recharge. Then slowly come out of that place and listen to those who need listening to and then ask questions and then get back to serving people. And repeat.
Stop worrying about everything.
Many would probably accuse me of being privileged for saying this but at the end of the day I have so many things that I could worry about, things that would destroy me and my family just as much as any other family, but I have to give it back to God. Being anxious for nothing is not being privileged, it is handing things back in the way that I am commanded to in the Bible. Worrying gets me absolutely nowhere but deeper into an anxiety that I have been clearly called out of and rescued from. I cannot spend my life worrying because if I did I would never accomplish anything else. I would never get to serve the underprivileged. I would never get to love on anyone or live the life I am called to live. Worry only pulls you deeper into a dark hole that is very difficult to escape from and you don't have to sit in that. Sometimes I do, which is frustrating because when I just surrender things back to God I am in such a better place. Even when the world is burning around me and I'm losing it all, when I hand it back to Him I still experience peace. Call me crazy but it's true. Why I would ever hold onto anything, I'm not sure. Sometimes I guess I take my eyes off of Jesus and I forget how powerful and all-knowing He is. I forget how much He wants to take my burdens. I don't have to carry them though and there is so much joy in that. Even in some of the hardest moments this year I have experienced immense peace that surpassed all of my human understanding. I plan to work harder at experiencing more of that peace this year by giving things back to God immediately and not once I've broken into a thousand little anxious pieces.
Stop giving too much attention to people.
People who suck the life out of you.
People who constantly take but never give.
People who make your blood boil because of their ignorance.
People who have personalities that just clash with yours.
Believe it or not, you can say no to paying attention to those people. This doesn't mean ignoring them or being rude, it means that you don't stick around, share details or entertain the crap. You can love people and serve them well and turn the other cheek, but that doesn't mean that you have to be presently active in their lives. Click the unfollow button. Choose to delete them from your contacts. You don't have to “cancel” them, but you can choose to protect your energy. Following them and continuing to talk to them “just to see what they'll say next” (you know you do it) is such a waste of your time and energy; time and energy that could go to fostering healthy relationships. Being an adult means choosing to walk away and realizing that some relationships aren't meant to last and that it doesn't mean they're not a great person or that you're not understanding or loving, it's just the way life goes.
You don't have to share your opinion on everything.
It is not your job to educate anyone.. on anything. In fact having the mindset that you need to educate them is a bit entitled and egotistical. I know that we live in a world where we all have our opinions but even though facts don't care about feelings, you should. As Tahlia talked about a few months back, you don't have to have an opinion on everything and you certainly don't always need to share the ones you do have. As Dustin constantly tells me “you're not going to change anyone's mind, so stop arguing”. He's right. I'm not going to change anyone's mind, even if it is with facts. But what people will remember about me is how I treat them. They're going to remember if I was respectful, if I was loving and if I was kind. Even if I don't receive the same courtesy back, which I often don't, what matters is what I say and how I say it. There is a time and place for your opinion and you need to listen to the Holy Spirit (aka your gut if you don't believe in God) as to when you should and should not speak. This applies both in person and especially on social media. Keyboard warriors often make themselves look more like fools than intelligent beings. Think before you speak and think about how people will feel before you spout off your all-knowing mouth.
You need to take the risks.
Even when you don't think things will go the way you want them to, it never hurts to ask and it never hurts to try. What is the worst that could happen? Don't answer that, just do it. For example, I desperately wanted newborn pictures of Hayden and we really couldn't afford to get them done at the time. I saw a Facebook post in a local community group where a photographer who was new to the area wanted to do a few free sessions to build her reputation in the area. She specified that she only wanted to do shoots in three towns, ours wasn't one of them. I got sad and moved on but something in my gut said “just message her, what's the harm?”. I went back and forth but I decided to just message her and see if our town, 10 minutes farther than she wanted to go would be doable. To my absolute delight and great surprise she offered me a slot. It was such an incredible blessing and I'm so glad that I listened to that prompting from the Holy Spirit. A few weeks later something similar happened and my doctor finally admitted that I was in fact, NOT high risk. I was one week behind on the deadline to switch to a midwife (she was my 4th doctor) to use the birthing center. I felt incredibly sad as that's all I had really wanted from the beginning and I was settling for a hospital birth as is. My doula encouraged me to go for it anyways and after praying about it I decided to just give the office a call the next day. Within a few hours all of the papers were faxed, signed and I was officially transferred. I had an orientation the following week and at 37 weeks I had switched doctors for the 4th time in my pregnancy and I was going to be able to use the birth center. Again, God provided and all I had to do was say yes and go out on a leap of faith and just ask. As a planner, this is really hard for me and I did not want to inconvenience anyone or switch plans. As simple as it ended up being it hurt my brain to think about making that switch, but it ended up working out perfectly. I just had to have a bit of faith!
I hope that you take some time to reflect on the important lessons you learned this year and how you can take them into next year. There's no point in learning the same hard lesson twice so you might as well give yourself tangible goals to apply them over and over again. I know that life has a funny way of beating you down but you don't have to let it keep you down. K?
Happy New Year!