Lift Them Up
Jealousy likes to rear her nasty head at the most unexpected moments.
Oh and by the way, I’m writing this as I work through a bout of jealousy. Even those that fight to support others still have a hard time not getting caught in the comparison trap. Instead of accepting where they're at they take every win someone else has as a personal attack on their lack.
There's two issues here.
First, a hyper focus on what's lacking, without taking the time to be grateful for what has happened and the blessings that one has experienced. For the world, this is talked about a lot in manifestation, it is believed that you cannot attract prosperity or good things if you're focused on the lack.
For Christians this looks like not practicing Eucharisteo- thanksgiving preceding the blessing. It is telling God that the opportunities He is bringing us and the blessings that He has bestowed upon us aren't good enough. It is consciously saying that we do not appreciate who He created us to be and saying that He made a mistake by not giving us the opportunities and talents that someone else has. We are dismissing where we're at in our story and frankly disobeying.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
The second issue is that we are giving far too much power to other people and their perceived opinions. I say perceived because often times we are far too self centered and have the idea that everyone is watching and judging us. And while they may very well be, majority do not care or don't have the time to care.
For Christians this means we're trying to associate our worth with our accomplishments instead of basing our worth off of who we were created to be and in the image of.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
- Genesis 1:27
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
– Psalm 139:13-14
“Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
- Luke 12:7
These are some serious problems, but they're completely normal. And fun fact: they're never going to completely go away. There are mindset shifts that you can make to fight off a lot of these thoughts but you're still going to struggle with them from time to time.
A few quick reminders.
Her projects do not take away from your projects.
His success does not take away from your success.
Her fans do not take away from your fans.
Even if they have the same audience, are in the same competitions, on the same platforms, there is still room for both of you because you are bringing your own unique qualities, perspectives and stories to the table. Even if we put out the exact same message, what one may take away from my story is going to be completely different than what they'd take away from yours.
So those things don't matter.
But you know what does matter?
Gratitude matters.
Love matters.
Kindness matters.
“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” – Colossians 3:12-14
This means that even if they have snubbed you and view you as their competition, turn the other cheek and forgive.
You may think that as long as you ignore them that's enough, but you will still be harboring jealousy in your heart and that is toxic. So rather than ignore them, cheer them on. If they have intentionally hurt you, let those emotions go and take a step back if that's what is the healthiest. But if you're dwelling on their success at all, that's not a them problem, that's a you problem.
Practice gratitude and thanksgiving. I still don't always understand how it works, but gratitude truly does precede the miracle and I've seen that time and time again in my life.
Keep your head down and work hard. If you're focusing on yourself and making your work the best it can be, it's going to be really hard to spend time comparing yourself or being jealous. Look up once and awhile to cheer those around you on, but when you start to feel those pings of jealousy, put your head right back down and keep on working.
As soon as you detach your worth from the quality of your projects, the response to your projects and the outcome of your projects- you're going to find yourself a lot happier. You're going to find that you tear yourself down way less than you used to and find yourself lifting other people up more frequently. Because even though you may not be doing amazing in that moment, their success has nothing to do with you.
Even if you're the kind of person who loves to shine the spotlight on others and talk about their success, jealousy still sneaks in sometimes. Especially when you find someone doing something similar to you in front of the same audience or on the same platform. It can get really hard. But if you stop, remind yourself of the truth and hit “reset” you're going to be just fine.
Remember, it's really hard to tear yourself down when you're busy lifting someone else up.
Start your day with gratitude.
Practice gratitude when those feelings are bubbling.
Choose a few people to lift up publicly or privately.
End your day with gratitude.
Your life will be a lot fuller and far more successful than if you dwelled in comparison and jealousy.
Don't forget, lift them up.
But how?
Let's start with gratitude.
This is just another way of saying thank you and appreciating the things that you've been blessed with. If you're a Christian this would mean listing the things that you are thankful to God for and engaging in prayer or journaling. If you're not, this may look like meditating on the things you are grateful for or journaling them out to whichever higher power you believe in.
I find that listing out three things you're grateful for is a great place to start. When you have a hard moment, listing out three things that specifically pertain to what you're struggling with is helpful.
Lifting people up.
This doesn't have to be a huge deal, it can be small. It also doesn't have to be public, but it's good to do that once and awhile. This can look like...
- Sharing a post.
- Adding your own commentary and retweeting someone's work.
- Sending a creator a DM and letting them know what you loved about their project.
- Sending someone's work to a friend who will appreciate it.
- Quoting a creator and giving them credit.
These are just a few ideas, but find something that works for you. I promise it'll be worth it!