Somewhere In-Between
You’re going to find me somewhere in-between.
In-Between who I was and who I want to be.
In-Between herbal tinctures and stuffed-crust.
In-Between $7 lattes and making my own laundry soap.
In-Between debt free and working on it.
In-Between gentle parenting and “heaven help me”.
In-Between 1000 hours outside and “Yes, I’m still watching”.
In-Between “Yes, baby?” and "pick up your freaking towel”.
In-Between loving every minute and let’s be real.
The only thing you’re never going to find me in-between on is the fact that I need Jesus.
If you’re new here, I am too, kinda.
This a new space I am creating.
If you’re not new to my shenanigans, you know that this is a relaunch of my blog and brand. I took some time off after the 2nd season of the Solidarity podcast to have my 2nd son, Holden, who is now about to turn one.
It took me 3ish months with my oldest to feel ready to create again. This time, it took me almost a full year.
I needed space to heal, reflect, be present with my newborn and not put any other pressure on myself. In this time I have done an immense amount of healing, writing and growing.
When I was going back and forth on what to do next, on who I am and why I’m here, God brought this beautiful idea to own this concept that I fall “in-between”. Online, especially, but in real life too, I often feel like I don’t fit anywhere. Politically, socially, economically, spiritually, I feel like I’m all over the place and I struggle to relate with women who seem to be so sure of themselves. I struggle with the extremes and the boxes. What about those of us who just fall somewhere in-between?
This idea expands beyond the fact that I often don’t know where I belong. It’s also how I feel about who I am and my purpose. Since becoming a mother I have done a lot of work to heal deep wounds. I’m obviously going to always be working on maintaining those scars and continually cleaning up my side of the street. Within this journey I have realized that I am struggling to come to terms with who I was before I became a mother, who I am now and who God intended me to be.
I’m not always in the mood to be a mom, sometimes I feel like I became a mother too soon.
I’m constantly in this space between mama and me. Needing to prioritize myself and my health but really struggling to do that in a sustainable way because at the end of the day, I’m still mama and my kids need me and my husband needs me. And some days I just want to run away— but I don’t want to leave my kids and my family and everything I love.
I don’t want to let go of the fact that I am a mother, I was birthed into motherhood and I want to own that and honor the role. I also don’t want to let motherhood define my life and dictate my actions. I am not going to be a certain way, wear certain clothes or let needs go simply because “I’m a mom” now. That seems like an excuse to avoid getting real with myself.
The question then becomes: how do I take care of myself, nurture my children, my husband, my household, my friends, my job and my church? That list could go on.
I know one thing for sure: it is not through my power or strength or will. It’s through Christ alone and in Him, my hope is found. This is the answer that I have been sitting in for months. When I had nothing in me to move forward, I sat in that truth. I still sit in that truth. I also know, that I can’t just sit in my corner for the rest of my life. Following Christ means that I have to follow him. In my response to grace, I want to do something with it.
I am neither at the beginning, nor at the end, of transformation. I want you to really hear that. I am not going to get it right all of the time. I may even, *gasp*, change my mind. God is the only one with the perfection down pat around here, so, remember that when you’re holding me (or yourself) to ridiculously high expectations.
My goals in this space:
Point you back to God. No matter what you do, it’s going to have to go back to Him or it’s not going to work. In all of my failures and all of my successes it’s always come back to “and yet, God”.
Present ideas around whole-body wellness in a practical and tangible way. I’m talking spiritual, physical, mental and emotional. I’m talking as a woman, as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother, as a friend- in all facets of who you are, there is purpose and a place. It is my desire to share solutions and ideas that honor God, your marriage, your family, your finances and your household. A large majority of wellness spaces act like we have all the money in the world to spend and that’s just simply not the case for most of us. We’re all about being thrifty in this household and also acknowledging how God has provided when we needed help and couldn’t afford it.
You may walk through fire, you may be refined, you may come up against all sorts of crap in this life, I want you to be rooted and well in Jesus so that you can endure. I want you to be able to be strong, to put on the armor of God, and I want you, when you fall into bed at the end of another exhausting day, to be able to remember and proclaim “and yet, God”. Whether it has come to fruition or you are hopefully awaiting, “and yet, God”.
If you’d like to join me in this space regularly, follow me on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Facebook or YouTube.
If you’re not into social media, trust me, it’s not my favorite place to be either, subscribe to my Coffee Date list. This is also a great way to stay connected *when* the social media overlords inevitably kick me off. Once a month I pop into your inbox with an encouraging word, a few of my favorite things (usually free) and a list of recent blog posts.. and soon to be.. podcast episodes. 😉 I would love it if you’d join me there. I truly only write you once a month, I don’t have time for more than that and my inbox is too full as well.
I’m glad you’re here.