3 Ways To Make Self Care Easier
Last week I did a podcast episode on self care and I posed the question:
Is self care selfish?
I got an interesting response, mostly good, but of course there is always some defensiveness when it comes to crossing the cultural norm. So to those who completely missed the point, let me clarify. While I believe too much focus on oneself can be problematic, especially when you’re relying on it to fix or rejuvenate yourself, practicing general self care and taking care of your body and doing fun things for yourself is not inherently selfish or a bad thing. That is all.
That being said, I had this post planned before I even released that episode because I love self care! I love doing things to make my body feel good and uplift my spirits. Do I rely on it? No. But I enjoy it and that’s not a bad thing.
Sometimes self care for me is basic care that most healthy and high-functioning people do on a regular basis. But when you struggle with mental health or health in general, sometimes these things aren’t on the top of the mind/list and get pushed to the back burner. Things that you would automatically do to get ready, I have to be intentional in doing them.
There have been moments in my life where this is just brushing my hair or teeth and sometimes it’s a whole regiment of skincare and taking a bath and pampering my body. Some days, weeks- moments, are better than others.
The most recent season I was in was one of postpartum. Not only was I dealing with generalized anxiety and depression but I was also processing postpartum and postpartum rage. Needless to say it made taking care of my basic needs extremely difficult.
As I started to come out of that season I realized that I needed systems set up in place so that I could easily remember to do my tasks. These systems varied based on the task and it took intentional daily reminders to implement them and make them habit. After a few weeks of verbal (phone events) and physical (setting items out) reminders, they became habit and I could simplify the systems.
Maybe you’re in a place where you need a little extra help remembering to take care of yourself. Whether you’re super busy with work, juggling three kids, you’re a brand new mama or you’re just struggling a bit, I’m here to help and share what I did.
The first thing to note is that basic self care and hygiene tasks can feel hard, overwhelming and like too much work when there are multiple steps before you even do the actual task. For example, if in order to do your skincare routine you have to:
a. remember to do it
b. walk to your bathroom
c. pull it all out of the cabinet
d. follow each step
e. put it all away
then you’re not likely to do it on a good day, let alone a bad day. Now these steps may seem easy to someone who is in a good place, but to anyone who’s already overwhelmed that could very well feel like too much and rather than try you don’t bother and before you know it, it’s been three weeks since you’ve washed your face, I get it.
So what do we do? We make it easier.
Start by listing out the tasks that would feel really good if you did. Another approach is to list out the things that you wish were happening in your life (clear skin, whiter teeth, hair that you could wear down regularly) and then list out the self care practice you’d need to do to achieve that result.
Second, list out the steps it takes (literally all of them) to achieve that task.
Third, ask yourself, and be honest, about why it feels hard to do that task and what is stopping you.
Fourth, I want you to choose a time of day that you’re going to take care of yourself. Reprogramming patterns based off of times can be extremely beneficial and make the process easier.
Ok so now we’re clear on the what, when, why and how.
I’m guessing you’re overwhelmed? Me too.
Let’s take it a step farther and simplify.
Automate. Eliminate. Activate.
These three words are what I want you to focus on.
AUTOMATE
How can I automate some of these steps?
EX: Does your life make it hard to remember things? Turn on reminders on your phone or make it a calendar appointment that is recurring at the same time every day so that it consistently reminds you.
Another way you could easily automate a system is by grouping one task in with another. Find something you already do on a routine, daily basis and group it in with that. Do you without fail make coffee every morning, but really struggle to brush your teeth? Place your toothbrush by your coffee maker so that you brush your teeth while your coffee is brewing. Do you throw your hair up in a ponytail but always forget to brush it out? Place your brush by your ponytail holders so that it’s there to grab. Part of this means training your brain, so by finding triggers to help you remember, you can make it happen. Another good trigger would be to put on your favorite song every morning and do all of your self care stuff (brushing your hair, teeth, washing your face) during that song.
ELIMINATE
The next step is to ask yourself what you can eliminate from the process you’re working on. This can be going to grab an item or finding the item. It can help to have items laying out so that they’re easy to grab and right there. Now this may not help with your mental health if you like to have everything in its place like I do, but you can work up to it. When I know I have to go get an item to do it, I’m less likely to when I’m in a low place. If it can easily be grabbed and it’s out, I’m more likely to do it. But once I’m past that stage in the habit, I’ll start putting it away in its place and I’ll still do it. It’s something to work up to, one step at a time. Organizing and everything having its place will make it less stressful to continue doing the task because you don’t have to think about where it is, you already know. But that’s a post for another time. Another example is simplifying the process by eliminating steps in the actual self care regiment. For example, if my hair or skin care routine is overwhelming me, I’m going to cut it down to bare-bone basics for awhile. If on a good day I’m feeling up to it, I can incorporate more steps back in, but in the meanwhile I’m going simple. Maybe your skin care routine feels like a lot because it’s got 20 steps and 10 different products? Cut down! Wipe your makeup off, cleanse your face, moisturize and call it a day. I’m not saying this has to be your long term go to, but it can help when the going gets tough. Another aspect of eliminating is pre-planning. This doesn’t totally eliminate steps, but it eliminates having to do as much work in the moment. For example I like to braid my hair at night & comb it through every morning so I don’t have to deal with knots and taking 10 minutes to brush my hair. It’s already prepped the next day so it only takes a minute. Another thing I like to do is pre dose my vitamins & supplements or keep bottles out with a little bowl so every morning I can dose them. This means when I have to take them I don’t have to go through the step of getting them out, they’re already ready. A little bit of planning can go a long way!
ACTIVATE
The final step is activating your brain. Remember when we identified your “why”? Let’s turn this into motivation. For some people this means having goals that you can check off everyday in a to-do list. For others it’s a tangible reward that you give yourself when you do something every day or for an entire week or month. Even when you’re in a low place, there is still things that will motivate you. Sometimes this is a person (and this can be communicated when you’re in a good place that you need reminders & encouragement) and sometimes it’s going some place or doing something or eating something. Now I don’t recommend rewarding yourself with food because that get dangerous really quickly, but for some that’s a start. Tread that line very carefully. Whatever you need to do to activate your brain to get the motivation to do something, do it. Watch a motivational video, blast your favorite playlist, put a show on while you do mundane things so that you don’t get distracted- whatever it is, it’ll be worth it if you keep your eye on your “why”.
At the end of the day I want you to give yourself grace.
Don’t focus on what you haven’t done in the past. Don’t focus on how many times you’ve forgotten to do something or messed up, I want you to focus on the future. And if after a few weeks you’re still forgetting or a system isn’t fully working for you, adjust it until it does. If you do it really well for a few weeks and then a few months later you realize you’ve fallen out of it again, start the system over or adjust it to meet your new needs! But give yourself grace. You’re doing great.