Not Your People
You know that sinking feeling in your gut when you show up excited to a party only to realize that you're not really wanted there?
Maybe you first felt that feeling when you got denied that seat at the lunch table in middle school.
Or maybe it was that sleepover you had at a friends birthday party and all of the girls made it clear that you were the odd one out.
Growing up is hard. Navigating friendships and trying to figure out where you fit in is far from easy. What's really hard though is when you feel that way as an adult.
For some reason we think that after we leave high school or college that we'll suddenly just have our people and everyone will act like adults and be inclusive.
But nobody told me that acting like an adult and being inclusive wasn't one and the same.
Even as an adult I am still running into cliques and groups of people who love to act like theirs is the best world and that I should want to do anything to be a part of it.
Part of that is a subconscious assumption that my mind goes into when I see a group I'm not a part of and some of it is backed up by real actions and words spoken.
It's a crappy feeling being left out.
It's a crappy feeling knowing that I'm not wanted somewhere.
It's a crappy feeling when you know that there's one person that is jealous of you and because of that you're left out of a whole group of people.
It's crappy, but at the same time, that's one of the best things that can happen to you.
Because love, those aren't your people.
And you deserve to know that.
Rather than them talking behind your back, leading you on, double crossing you and breaking the precious pieces of your heart that you've given to them, you get to know that they aren't your people.
Everyone doesn't have to support you.
Everyone doesn't have to love you.
Would it be nice? Absolutely.
But would you rather have genuine friendships and people that genuinely love you or people that tolerate you and show you fake support but treat you like crap.
You deserve to be appreciated and cherished and some people just aren't capable of that.
In fact if you look closely you'll often see that those who backstab, lie and manipulate for their benefit attract one another. They do those things to each other and eventually they will self destruct- as shiny as they may look on the outside, you don't want anywhere near them.
Take it from someone who's been on the inside of those circles. It's awful.
They treat people terribly, including each other.
They treat people like they're disposable items.
They suck the life out of you.
They only shine because they perpetually chase the spotlight, it doesn't follow them like they'd like you to believe.
So here's what I want you to do.
I want you to stop looking at them and walk away.
I want you to breathe and look yourself in the mirror and say “I am worthy of love” until you believe it.
I want you to do things that will make your heart happy and that you're passionate about because that's where you'll find your people.
Then I want you to be kind and I want you to accept people into your life with loving arms. You don't want to turn into the people you walked away from to begin with.
Friendships as adults are hard but when you find good ones you don't want to easily let go of them. Fight for your friends and treat others the way you want to be treated. Love ferociously and serve humbly. You will attract the kind of people you want in your life by being the kind of person you want in your life.
I know it's easy to get caught up, especially on social media where you see the people you wanted more than anything to like you, but leave them behind. They're not worth it. Pray for them and then take care of yourself. You don't even have to announce your departure, they're not worth the energy.
Understand your worth to know when you're being used and choose to not let them use you anymore. Even if you are afraid of losing what little you got out of their end of the “bargain”. I promise it'll be made up two fold when you find your people.
So love, take this as your sign. The one you've been looking for when you feel abandoned and alone and left out. You deserve more. You can HAVE more and you just need to go out there and get it. Stop allowing yourself to be treated as less than.
They aren't your people. That's okay.
Go find your people.