Slow Down

Welcome back to the Solidarity podcast

where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is, being a woman.

Today I want to speak to the mothers.

Ironically I do have Hayden with me today so if you hear baby talking in the background that would be him.  Anyways, whether you have earth or heaven side babies, or you’re a pseudo mother, if you’re taking on this role in any capacity, this is for you.  It is in no way meant to shame you or bring more guilt than I know you’re already feeling everyday.

Rather, it’s a simple reminder that I think you need to hear.  I know I need to hear it. 

Slow down.

Mama slow- down.

You’re spilling suds & missing moments.

Stop rushing around & accept & own this

Time, moment, space where the only thing that matters is that sweet little face.

The one that looks at you and demands your attention, eyes longing for more than a glance & a finger that says just one more minute.

One more minute while you rush around, wasting energy & resources that could’ve been saved for cuddles & cars & rainy days.

The chores will all get done. Even better if you just slowed down- invited them in & showed them how-  equipping the next generation to live in the now.

Don’t take for granted a single moment- not for a dish or a sock or tub that needs soaking.

Show up, be intentional & enjoy more moments because God only knows when they might be over.

Embrace the rosy cheeks & chubby hands too. Sticky kisses, bright eyes & the broken I love you’s.

Choose to slow down, moment by moment & you may just see that you gain more love, memories & time that you never would’ve noticed.

That is a poem I wrote the other night at midnight snuggled up with Dustin and a teething fussy baby.  We hadn’t co-slept in a long time but with his pain and a slight cough I wanted to keep an eye on him that night.  I didn’t realize how much I missed it while also simultaneously realizing how thankful I was for my own bed most nights.  This poem started when I was standing at the sink doing dishes, moving so fast to move onto the next chore that I spilled a ton of water everywhere and I had to stop to clean it all up.  I smiled because as I was on the floor mopping up water I looked over to see Hayden smiling at me.  If I hadn’t slowed down and looked around I wouldn’t have seen his sweet gaze. It made me think about how many moments I day I miss because I’m just not paying attention.  Whether it’s because I’m doing chores or I’m on my phone or watching tv, I miss a lot because I’m not slowing down.  I’m not saying that you have to not do those things- you have to keep up your house and you need to relax- but just slow down while you’re doing them.  Take your steps intentionally.  Make an effort to make eye contact and to hold conversation.  See people, especially your babies and your husband.

I know you see them in all of the little things you do that go unnoticed.  The appointments made, the dishes done, the swept floors, the clean sheets, the notes in the lunch boxes and the perfectly folded boxers.  I see it and I see you.  I know you probably don’t feel seen because none of that is typically  acknowledged, how could you see your family anymore than you already do? Why should you have to?  I get it.  I feel the same way most days.

Everything you’re doing is important but it’s also so important to slow down and take a breath and allow yourself to be rejuvenated so that you can keep going.  It is important that you look around and enjoy the fruits of your labor.  It’s important that you look your people in the eye and hold meaningful, intentional conversation and enjoy everything that those moments have to offer.  Because one day, at the end of your life, whether it’s tomorrow or years from now, the people that love you are going to appreciate everything you did for them, but they’re going to remember you by how you spent your time with them and how you impacted them.  They’re going to remember that you saw them or that you didn’t.

We all have this innate desire to be seen.  And I believe when we become wives and mothers we become even more in tune to seeing people- or at least seeing and meeting their physical and immediate needs.  But we cannot detach emotionally because when we do we are not only telling the people around us that they don’t really matter and you’d do those things regardless of “who” you were serving, but you’re also setting yourself up to run out of steam.  You have to slow down and refuel.  You have to emotionally connect to the people that you love and that you’re serving so magnificently so that you don’t burn out and wonder why you ever did any of it anyway.

I know this is another thing to add to the never-ending to-do list but I promise you it’s so worth it and if you prioritize slowing down and emotionally connecting with the people around you, life will get easier.  Your circumstances don’t have to define you, but if you prioritize emotional and mental health they’ll start feeling and looking a bit more manageable. When you’re intentional about engaging and connecting with the people in your family you’ll start to find that your burdens can be lifted.

If you’re in a healthy relationship your partner will want to help out and return the favor (if they aren’t already, which they should be because running a household is a joint effort) but your kids will also want to do the same.  Don’t rush through life feeling like you have to do everything yourself.  Some tasks may take a bit longer when you do them together, but the memories and the moments gained will be so worth it.

Don’t trade a lifetime of love for a lifetime of work in hope of success. 

You truly can have both.  You just have to start by slowing down.

Matthew 11:28-30 says:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Similarly Luke 12:27-28 reminds us to trust in God’s provision (aka, you don’t always have to be going)

“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!”

I truly hope that today’s episode encouraged you. I know how discouraging it can feel when you think that someone is telling you that you’re not doing enough on top of all of the hard work that you’re putting in.  I hope you’ll see this as my desire for you to not make your life harder by working yourself to death and to not miss the beautiful moments that are all around you.

Thank you so much for listening in this week and tolerating Hayden in the background. Like I talked about in this, I’m trying not to miss the moments and today it just happened to work out  that I needed to have him in the studio with me. So I apologize for the background noise but it will also be a sweet memory for me to look back on and hear him in the background. If you’d like to share your story, shoot me an email or DM. You can follow me on Instagram @riley_quin which is where I hang out the most. But after this week’s Instagram, little, um, crash there, I want to also invite you to join my email list.  You can sign up on my website: rileyq.com or if you want to DM me I can also send you the link for that so we can stay connected even when things like that happen.  If you feel called to, please share with a woman who you know needs to be strengthened and encouraged. It would mean the world if you’d leave a podcast review on Apple podcasts and let me know your favorite part of the podcast episode. Thanks again & be sure to check back next Wednesday for a new episode!

As always, I’m so glad you’re here. You’re wanted, needed and loved. I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.