Is Self Care Selfish?
Welcome to the Solidarity podcast,
where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is..
being a woman.
Alright, so I have a hot take on self-care.
I’m all about taking care of the body and mind that God gave us to steward over. It think it’s important.
But we must be aware of the point at which stewarding what we are given turns into self-obsession, selfishness and self-centeredness.
In a world that says only look out for yourself, it is made clear in the Bible that we are to love our neighbor and put others before ourselves- relying on God to meet our needs.
In a world that says your needs come first- God asks us to look around and see who we can bless.
So I want to pose the question: how can we balance both taking care of ourselves and loving others?
The answer is we can’t.
Well not alone anyways.
We are not called to rely on ourselves.
We are so very weak when operating out of our own strengths.
That is why we need Jesus- because without Him we are never going to measure up and we will fall short in every way.
Why do you think at the end of every episode I say “and by the grace of God, you are enough”? Because without Him, we aren’t.
The trendy thing right now is to tell people that they’re enough. In some circles it can mean that you aren’t taking up too much space and you’re wanted, just as you are. Which is totally true. But in other, and I’d argue, most cases, it is insinuating that we are enough- fully, complete, which would mean that we are our own saviors capable of doing anything. Which is not Biblical truth. It’s a worldly mindset that has been spun into pretty graphics and t-shirts that Christians eat up because in theory it sounds nice, but it’s not Biblically sound.
We are enough because of God’s grace and we accept that, embrace it and live it out- then we are enough because of His sacrifice.
Now back to that self care thing, it’s important, it really is. Throughout the Bible we are commanded to treat our bodies as the temples that they are- to offer them up as a living sacrifice. I believe that in order to do that we must stay healthy. Mentally and physically.
In order to achieve that we have to not only devote time to spending with God and asking Him to fill our cup and give us strength, but it’s also important to do things for ourselves to stay healthy. Whether this is setting an intention of cleanliness, fueling your inner body or taking a moment to do something you love for your mind, I believe that God delights in these moments when we share them with Him. I think it crosses a line when we put these things above Him and count on them to fill us up in a way that only He can.
It’s important to take care of ourselves but not at the expense of our relationship with God.
Self care, unlike society says, can in fact be selfish. Sure, it’s important to maintain your hygiene and take care of the temple that God gave you, we’re instructed to do so.
That includes taking time for your mind.
But you also have other responsibilities.
When we get in our head that we are the sole caretakers for ourselves and that we have to heal ourselves through mantras & divulging in certain foods and activities, we lose sight of our ultimate caretaker.
While you can enjoy life, you can actually rest in the fact that God is the only one who can provide for you, care for you and heal you in a way unlike any other.
Self care isn’t bad, but the obsession over it can be.
Idolizing time spent in only serving ourselves is the exact opposite of what God calls us to do.
I realize that this is a very unpopular opinion in the face of the self care culture and “take-care-of-you-first- always-without-a-second-thought-to-anyone-around-you” thing.
Although I realize the thought process behind that is appealing its not reasonable for a lot of us and rather than realize that it’s not reasonable for a reason, we instead lash out and get demanding. We demand time by ourselves to make ourselves feel better. We trample those around us for our own selfish desires.
Now I’m not saying time alone isn’t a good thing, it totally is, but when we are continually putting that over the people that God has placed in our life to take care of, that’s where problem enlies.
When in reality, there’s a way that we can care for ourselves, be replenished and serve those around us with selflessness - out of a place of rejuvenation.
So sure, take the bubble bath, enjoy it guilt free, (I do), but don’t expect it to replenish you. Only God can do that.
If anything, we should start looking at self care as time spent in the word. Time-spending with God.
Can you imagine if we devoted as much time to prayer and hearing God’s truth as we do drinking wine, binge watching Friends and covering ourselves in sparkly bath bombs? Trust me, I enjoy all of these things, I do all of these things.
But my point is that we would have so much more joy and we’d be able to serve in such a beautiful way because we would be overflowing.
Matthew 11:28 says:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
He means that!
There is a deep rest & rejuvenation that comes when you spend time with God.
Have you ever spent time with someone who just brings you so much joy? Rather than feeling like the energy is sucked out of you when you leave, you feel encouraged, ambitious and ready to share that spirit with someone else?
Well that’s what God can do for you each and every day.
So yeah girl, you go and enjoy that temporary self care, God encourages us to enjoy life. Ecclesiastes 9:7 says “Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.” But in that same book we are reminded to not just enjoy life, but enjoy it with the knowledge that without God it will be far less enjoyable and we will always end up back where we started very quickly, weary and burdened. But within Him we will enjoy eternal life which is far better than anything we could experience on this Earth. So find that balance. Don’t get wrapped up in filling yourself up today for tomorrow.
He says in Matthew 6:34:
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Don’t get overwhelmed in not having enough “me time”, instead seek God and you will start to find that you will be filled with joy and a renewed energy each and every day.
Let God fight your battles, cure your anxieties and give you rest, all you have to do is ask and then trust that He will.
Thank you so much for listening in this week, I encourage you to keep coming back for more encouragement and to find solidarity in our shared experiences. If you’d like to share your own story, I would love to have you on. Just shoot me a message on Instagram - @riley_quin or send me an email- riley@rileyq.com and we’ll talk!
Don’t forget to share this with a woman who you want to encourage today, you can share it on Facebook @solidaritypodcast or Instagram @riley_quin and tag me so we can get the word out on social media and if you’re feeling it, subscribe and leave a review to help get it out to others on the podcast algorithm who need to be shown some solidarity! Thanks again for listening and be sure to check back next Wednesday for a new episode!
As always, I’m so glad you’re here.
You’re wanted, needed and loved.
I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.