Unstable Ground

Welcome back to the Solidarity podcast

where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is, being a woman.

Recently I came across a cover of the song “So Good To Me” by Cory Asbury on TikTok. 

It is a cover by two women worshipping with the Circuit Riders, it’s beautiful.  I am a firm believer that God brings exactly what we need to hear exactly when we need to hear it.

I came across these words on a morning when I desperately needed them.  I had just been shaken to my core the night before.  It’s interesting what happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up the freedom that occurs- it’s amazing, but it can be oh so very painful.  I want to read the words that have been radiating on my heart ever since I heard them because I believe they can be of comfort to someone out there who also needs them.

“He picked me up and He turned me around and He placed my feet on solid ground. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

I’m on solid ground. I’m on solid ground. I’m on solid ground.  Oh, victory I’ve found. You’ve been so good to me.”

When I tell you I burst into tears and just wept.  God is such a good Father and He loves us so much.  He knew I needed a big ‘ole Daddy hug.  He knew that I needed to know that He had me even when I felt like everything was slipping.

I’ve found that this year has been a year of tremendous growth for me; building off a new foundation.  Learning how to be a mother and mixing that role with wife. Part of it has been circumstances and part of it has just been growing up.  I just turned 22 last week.  I’m still such a baby and I’m learning so much in every experience.  This year has taught me to drink it all in and ask God to show me what He wants me to learn and take away from each experience. I truly have never been so in tune with the Holy Spirit.  It is both magnificent and exhausting but it is an unquenchable thirst that I have acquired for knowing God more and existing in His presence.  It is so dark and lonely outside of His presence and I weep for those who don’t know what it’s like to walk with Him.  It makes me weep to think of what it will be like when I finally get to sit at His literal feet and truly rest.

I have lived some serious life this last year.  I can’t go into most of it, which is hard for me because I’m generally a very open person but a lot of it isn’t mine to share and so I have to hold it to myself.  It’s caused me to internalize a lot of emotions.  It’s also caused me to chip away at parts of myself that I shut and locked away because it felt too heavy to work through it.  It’s funny how God just busts those doors right open and says “We’re dealing with this because this bondage is not welcome here”.  Which if you needed that nudge to just wade through the crap and work through it, there it is.

I’m currently doing this and it is a lot.  A lot of tears. A lot of processing.  A lot of conversation with my husband.  A lot of tissues.  And a whole lot of prayer.

As I said this is an ongoing process and for me it’s something I’m sitting in right now.  I’d rather not be, but every time I try to get up and run it’s like I’m stuck deep in the mud and the only thing I can do is let it slowly melt away from my body so that I can start to move forward. But that takes time.

I guess you could say that I’m in a season of refinement.

I’m getting back to establishing habits that I’ve slacked on.  God is bringing problems to light that have needed to be dealt with for a long time.  He is bringing emotions to surface that I haven’t wanted to acknowledge.  He is making my reality clear and graciously been giving me the tools to accept it and own where I’m at. This process has hurt and this week I came to the realization that I am on very unsteady ground and I need to be strengthening myself to balance and in this weak season leaning on God as my support.  It’s ironic, but not, but God really does give us the most unsteady ground to walk on when we need a reminder that we’re not in control, that we don’t have it all together and that we really need Him to be our sustainer, our guide and our strength.

A good analogy for this is my workouts actually.  I have a rebounder, also known as a mini trampoline, that I utilize in my workouts.  I hadn’t used it in a long time because I put it away in Hayden’s room for him to play with as truthfully, it’s my least favorite way to workout.  I don’t have an affinity for cardio and I avoid it at all costs.  I guess I mostly do that because anytime I’ve tried it I’ve run out of breath and energy within 2-3 minutes and I feel so discouraged and incapable that I just give up.  So naturally, I avoid.  See that trend?  I know I’m not alone in that.  Any who, my niece spent the night and the trampoline ended up in my living room- God has a way of making those little shifts happen to set you up nicely for lessons to be taught.  Well I ended up staying home from a Mom group I go to because Hayden wasn’t feeling well and so I decided to get my workout in which I usually don’t do on those days.  So I decided to do it and I saw the rebounder and I thought “what the heck, I’ll give it a try it’s been awhile.  It’s already here anyways.”  So I picked a workout and ya’ll, it is amazing when you go back to something after a long time of training in other ways, how much you’ll surprise yourself.  For the first time in my life I got through a full 20 minute cardio session without having to sit down or pause it or stop.  I did it and I was truly amazed.  I mean I felt like I was going to die by the end but I did it and I was so proud.  It was such a beautiful example of how the training I had put in with strength training and building up my endurance in other ways, paid off.  Like I kinda want to do it again.. next week. It was a super cool moment because God just opened my eyes to how much work He has been doing in me over the last few months and showed me how far I’ve come.  It was incredible.  Even more incredible was at the end of the workout she was talking about how amazing it was that we get to experience such instability on the rebounder and how it’s a great reminder of how much our bodies can endure and how strong we are when we’re able to stay planted and rooted even when our foundation is unstable.  I almost started crying when she said that because coming off this hard season and a specifically hard set of realizations the night before and then that song that morning and then that message- I knew God was speaking to me and I needed to listen up.

But wait, it gets BETTER.  

I’m sitting at my kitchen table feeding Hayden and all the sudden I hear from the Holy Spirit.  I always know it’s from Him because I get goose bumps and I feel immense peace and it’s always truth.  He said:

“Even when your foundation is unsteady, cracking & slipping away you are firm on the rock of God.”

Well okay then God, I hear you.  You want me to be reminded that you’ve got me.

From there I went to do my devotion time with God since He obviously wanted to talk.  I’m reading 100 Days to Brave by Annie Downs, as I’ve mentioned literally a million times.  Just go buy the book, it’s amazing.  So she’s talking about how God uses things we’re not proud of and circumstances that we’re not fans of to show off God’s love, mercy, goodness and grace.  She talked about how we are trail blazers for Christ and how when we own the rocky, cracked parts of our stories and where we come from, that we actually set the tone for others to be able to do the same in their own lives- to own their brave and to step out in faith.

That hit me like a ton of bricks because I had just been arguing in my head about what I was going to talk about this week and I wanted to pick something safe.  But as God does, He made it very clear that we were talking about foundations and that I needed to share what I could of my story and how He’s been working the last few months.

So that leads me to the peak of this ironic-but not ironic, because, God- I knew that I was supposed to share about all of this but I wasn’t exactly sure how.  And really, I think this story is more for someone out there to hear how God talks and confirms because that is also a confusing subject unless we’re giving examples and this was a prime one- but anyways, I was like “okay well show me how”.  And I kid you not, I sat down to write this episode and in my drafts list- because I brainstorm topics whenever they pop into my mind but I don’t write them until I’m prompted by God- was: “episode 4: (we’re a little past that) Encouragement and verses for when you’re shaken to your core”.  Ya’ll when I tell you my jaw dropped and I had tears rolling down my cheek.  God knew months ago the doors that were going to be opened and what was going to be unveiled and the crap that He was going to lead me through.  God knew the refining process that He has me going through right now so that I can be a stronger disciple for Him.  He knew and He set this all up so that I can testify to you that there are no coincidences, that God has thing we call life under control and that He is speaking we just have to listen.

A few ways to do that is to rest and be still- we know that verse since it’s plastered over all the signs in Hobby Lobby’s everywhere.  We can also get into the word of God and pray.

Now since God specifically had me write “encouragement & verses for when you’re shaken to your core” all the way back at the end of August, I feel like that’s exactly what I’m supposed to give you.  I think it’s funny that God is having me do this because I feel wildly unqualified given the fact that I am in this and not on the other side, but maybe it’s because I can speak from a very raw place of deep pain right now.

So here goes nothing.

You are seen.

Right where you’re at.  Shaking.  Trembling.  Screaming.  Crying.  Shutting down.  Maybe in utter disbelief or shaking your fists at God screaming “why?”.

Why aren’t you giving me answers?   Why aren’t you making a way?  Why aren’t you paving the path?  Why do you want to see me struggle?  Why did you allow it to be this way?  Why are you hurting me?  Why aren’t you taking this illness away?  Why did you take my children?  Why are you breaking my family?  Why do you want me to suffer?

God sees you and He is not afraid of your pain.  Your pain is not too much for Him.   Your anger is not too much for Him.  Your questions are not too bold or heavy or irrational.  He won’t make you change your tone.  He won’t force your hand or your attitude.  He may allow you experiences that naturally do this- but it is your choice and He is still there.

Especially for those of you who are Christians who are struggling with the why and the how and the where and the when God- I want you to be reminded that nothing can separate you from the love of God and that is where your worth comes from and is rooted in.  You are not defined by your circumstances.  You are not defined by your trials.  You do not have to be and cannot be your own savior, your own overcomer.  No, Jesus said in John 16:31-33:

“Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? Indeed the hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

God does not want you living in what you are living in, but you are living it because humans chose sin over God and God would not be all loving and all powerful and a good Father if He forced us to be in relationship with Him.  So instead He gives us free will and free choice and because of that we have to deal with the consequences of this horrible world that is ruled by the devil Himself.  The good news- the literal Gospel is that we don’t have to do it alone and if we choose Jesus we can rely on God and know that this is not our forever and that in the meantime we can lean on Him for direction and a peace that surpasses all understanding and we can put on the armor of God and battle our way to eternity with God BECAUSE Jesus has overcome this world.

So you are not too much for God.

He weeps with you.

He sees your pain and He wants to replace it with healing.

He sees your anxiety and He wants to replace it with peace.

He sees your broken heart and He wants to mend it with joy.

We just memorized this verse the other day:

Matthew 11:28-30:

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

You have to get into the presence of God which means heading to His word, humbling yourself in prayer and just diving into the mess.  It is overwhelming I know, but God has a way of simplifying things and bringing immense peace and clarity, it’s literally unlike anything I can describe.  So you just have to give it a try because coping any other way is not going to heal or fulfill you.  It will just be a bandaid for the wound below and even if it scars over, it will eventually rip back open.  So deal with it now while it is fresh and allow God to heal you from the inside out. I know the anxiety of not knowing what is next.  Unsteady ground is terrifying.  But God makes it clear that with Him we have nothing to fear.

1 Corinthians 2:9:

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

Philippians 4:6-7, another favorite of mine:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

That doesn’t mean that we won’t be anxious but it means that when we inevitably become anxious, if we bring it to God we will be given such beautiful peace.  We still have the responsibility to guard our hearts- and that’s a whole other topic because it can go deeply depending on who you’re dealing with and what situations you’re enduring- but God will show you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us of just that.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

1 Peter 5:6-7:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Psalm 56:3:

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."

Proverbs 16:3:

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans."

It’s so interesting because we often think that God should just come in and clean up the mess that we’re dealing with- whether it’s our fault or not- and while He sometimes does do that out of his own grace and goodness, all of these verses do give us an action step.  Like I said earlier, God doesn’t force us into relationship.  In a relationship it is give and take, both parties have to work at it.  If you never put action in, chances are your partner will do the same.  Now obviously it’s a little different with God because He’s always going after our hearts until we reach the point of earthly death, but the general premise is the same in that we have action we must take.  Humble ourselves, trust in the Lord, bring our requests to God, commit to the Lord, guard our heart, come to Him- and so on.

I think you get my point and before we wrap up I want to encourage you of one more thing as you’re walking through this life. It is a journey.  Sometimes you catch your breath only to realize that you’re tumbling down another mountain and now you’re going to have to climb another one.  We get knocked down and we get the breath taken out of us but God is faithful and His love never ceases and it never fails.

I think Philippians 1:6 is such a good reminder of this:

"Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

He has begun a good work and when we walk with Him and we show Him all our cards- which He can see anyway- He is faithful and He walks with us- and sometimes carries us- to that day when we can hear those words “well done, my good and faithful servant”.  I am confident in my God and I am no longer afraid to tell Him when I am angry and upset and hurting and scared and sad and anxious because I know that Jesus felt all of those things up there on the cross and so He not only understands but He knows and He bore it even when He didn’t have to so that He could say “I see you and I feel you and I’m going to walk you through this and we’re going to blaze a trail so that other people may know me and experience the goodness and grace that I have for them too.”  That’s what it’s all about.

If you are struggling right now, just remember that you are seen and even if that is all you can hold on to until you can get to the place to ask why- hold on.  Please feel free to reach out if you need prayer or encouragement, I’d love to pray for you.

Thank you so much for listening in this week. If you’d like to share your story, shoot me an email or DM. You can follow me on Instagram @riley_quin and you can also sign up for my monthly email list on my website rileyq.com or click the link below.  If you feel called to, please share with a woman who you know needs to be strengthened and encouraged. It would mean the world to me if you’d leave a podcast review on Apple podcasts and let me know your favorite part of this week’s episode. Thanks again & be sure to subscribe and come back next Wednesday for a new episode!

As always, I’m so glad you’re here. You’re wanted, needed and loved. I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.