Coping With Anxiety
Welcome to the Solidarity podcast,
where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is..
being a woman.
So I know we’ve talked a lot about mental health this season.
I plan to continue doing that because currently it’s a huge part of my life and I’ve found that it seems to be a part of everyone’s life nowadays. Whether it’s you dealing with it or a close friend or family member, everyone is touched by mental illness in some way. Some in greater, harsher ways than others.
I am so glad that the stigma around mental health and taking care of it is starting to go away, but I still think we have some work to do as far as talking about coping goes.
Most of us can talk about how to cover it up and how to medicate it and how to accept it in other people all day long, but how often do we talk about how we can cope in the day to day? How to prevent things from spiraling and catching it early before it becomes a problem? Not very often.
So I thought I’d share some of my tricks with ya’ll.
Personally I struggle the most with anxiety. I’ve always been an anxious person in general, hyper aware of my surroundings, thinking through plans and revising them until there was the least amount of flaws- you get the point. I mean even as an adult I struggle with hyper cases of FOMO. Like planning out how I can be perfectly prepared for let’s say.. going to the pool. So I can avoid a sunburn, utilize every second of pool time, dry off the fastest and get re-dressed without missing a beat. I have never been the kind of person who can just go with the flow or just grab a towel and go and not worry about how things are going to pan out or not think about if I’m going to miss out on something or if I’m going to forget something. And in doing so, I end up missing more time and experiences in the present. I miss having fun and I missed a lot of being a kid because I was always thinking ahead.
It’s seeped into my adult life and I don’t think it was really until this year when I had Hayden that I’ve started to learn to just deal, to go a little more with the flow, to cope with situations when I’m not fully prepared and realize I didn’t die and everything is in fact, okay. It’s also helped me to not miss as many moments with him and my husband and friends in the moment, to be more present. I haven’t spent more time planning than I did experiencing. I’ve breathed through mishaps. I’ve learned to be more content and not plan every moment and every move and constantly be in a state of trying to “level up”. I’m obviously not perfect, but I’m working on it.
Now granted I think it helps that I’ve accomplished the few major things that I had my eyes set on- moving, marriage, having a child, buying house- but there are goals that I have and right now I am trying to do the small work and enjoying the “now” to get “there” instead of trying to hack it and go faster like I always have in every area of my life.
I graduated high school at 16 and missed my senior year with my friends. I moved away before everyone else and missed a lot. I got married after only 8 months of knowing Dustin and missed out on a lot of fun dating experiences with him. I had Hayden only a year and a half after we got married and we missed out on a lot of early marriage experiences on our own that weren’t focused on a baby.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for everything we have and how God used my anxiousness & planning and fast-paced mind, even when I didn’t deserve it and it should’ve backfired on me- to mold all of the blessings that I have. I love my life and my family- but it came at a cost.
The wisdom I’ve gained, the moments I’ve lost, the people I’ve drifted from as I paddled quickly- it all came at a cost.
I’m thankful that I don’t have panic attacks as often now and that I’m generally able to keep my anxiety under control. It helps slowing down. It’s also helped that I’ve adjusted my food, exercise and supplements to meet the needs of my brain and my adrenal system which also keeps my anxiety in check. That being said, if your doctor hasn’t looked at your exercise regiment, your diet and your blood work before prescribing medication for your mental illness, you ought to get another doctor because it all plays a part. I’m a proponent for medication when you need it, but there’s a lot more that goes into managing your mental health and getting to the root of the issue than just a prescription pad can handle.
I also apologize for all of the background noise, Hayden is playing with blocks in the background.
With that being said, I want to share the five things that I’ve been doing recently that have significantly helped me manage my anxiety. I won’t really be talking about depression today because that’s a whole other beast for me, but if that’s something you’d like me to talk about soon, let me know and I’ll starting asking God to lead me in how that discussion may look.
ONE:
is verbalizing that whatever is going through my head is just a story that is in my head and that I need to work through reality. When I do this it helps me not to allow my brain and body to get worked up and spiral out of control. I find that one of the ways that my anxiety gets really bad is when I dig into a story my brain tries to tell me. For instance, if I hear something fall in my house at night I instantly jump to “someone’s trying to break in and kidnap Hayden and kill me and Dustin”. A bit of a reach, don’t ya think? I know personally that my brain and body will go from 0-100 really quickly if I don’t shut it down asap. So I have to first say Jesus’ name out loud and pray for peace but then I have to rationalize and break down what is really going on so that my brain doesn’t hook onto that story and run with it. So for instance in that case I would think “okay, what could’ve fallen? Oh ya know, Dustin left that box of tissues right on the edge of that table and I meant to move it but I thought it may fall if I didn’t. Alright the AC just kicked on, the vent is right above it, it probably gave it that gust of wind just enough to make it teeter and fall. There hasn’t been any noises since then, nobody else is in the house, the tissue box just fell. The house is locked, you’d hear if someone was opening a door or window and you have protection all around you in case that happened but it’s not because you’re protected, safe and it’s not really happening.” That’s a lot of thinking, I know, but it’s something I have to do almost every night just so that I can fall asleep or put myself back to sleep in case I wake up. But if I don’t, my mind is spinning out of control, I have stories coming from everywhere, I start hearing voices and seeing figures and having low-key hallucinations and then it’s really hard to come out of that without experiencing a panic attack. So that’s the first thing.
TWO:
The second this that I am really intentional about is shielding my mind from content that I know is going to invite Satan into my house and my mind. This means even plugging my ears and shutting my eyes or turning off the tv if an evil commercial comes on. Any kind of horror, any kind of thriller, anything like that. When I say I’m serious about what comes into my house, I mean it. The spirit of evil and fear is not welcome in my mind or house to play with my brain and emotions and my family. Nope. Don’t even mess around with it. Know who writes your music and your shows and what they’re up to and what they’re bringing in through the media that you’re consuming because the spirit of evil can pounce on those things that you’re consuming without you even knowing it.. If it feels off in any way or the Holy Spirit says “no” or throws up a red flag, it’s out the door.
THREE:
Is having having go-to verses and prayers for when I feel fear or the tinkling of anxiety starting to settle in. I like to repeat truths from worship music as well- anything to keep myself hyper focused on truth rather than slipping into my mind. “Nothing can separate me from the love of God”, “Fear not, for I am with you”, “Be anxious for nothing”, “No fear can hold me hostage, no lie can keep me down, my God has the final word”, and “Jesus you make the darkness tremble, Jesus you silence fear” are some of my go-to’s. Having verses and scripture memorized and written on your heart, even if they’re summarized one-liners to pull out when you’re struggling is so very important. I find that once I get to this point I am usually calmed by repeating those things over and over again.
FOUR:
This is a little weird, but it’s physically moving and getting light in. I find that I’m usually the most anxious at night, in the dark. When this happen I can easily feel paralyzed, like if I move I’m going to be eaten alive by whatever monster/evil is physically or metaphorically forming in that space. That’s how Satan wants me, paralyzed in fear. As I pray and recite lyrics and verses if I sit up and turn on a lamp or some kind of light, it usually all floods away because I can physically see that I am not in danger and that the Holy Spirit and Jesus are in that light. Part of dealing with fear and anxiety is cutting it loose before it manifests into something that’s too big and takes awhile to come down from. Physically shaking it all out, doing jumping jacks or jumping on a trampoline can help immensely as it’s making you move your energy into places other than your body and your mind. Shaking it out and letting it all and letting it out of your fingertips and toes is helpful. By physically shaking I am able to get energy that needs to get out so it doesn’t build up & internalize. There is a chemical aspect to this as well, but that’s something I’m not able to fully explain but you’re more than welcome to research and look more into it.
FIVE:
The fifth and final thing that I prioritize is dealing with situations immediately. The longer you dwell, the worse it gets. Even if it just means writing out my thoughts or speaking them in an audio recording so that I’m not ruminating on it and I can come to a resolve. If I’m anxious about a situation and cannot speak to someone to work it out or rationalize it, I speak to God or just to myself to verbally process. Usually as I do this, things start making more sense, don’t feel as big and overwhelming and I can move on with peace instead of sitting in the fear and the worry. The more you think, the worse it gets. So it’s about staying grounded, rooted in truth and keeping my cortisol stable and my adrenaline from spiking.
Anxiety is a tricky thing as it is internal, chemical, mental, physical and spiritual all at the same time.
It’s not just about not doing something. It’s figuring out how to keep your body healthy and balanced while also keeping your mind grounded and spiritually connected. It’s a lot of balls to juggle and sometime we drop some- or all of them. It’s okay, it happens. What’s important is that you have a support system of people around you who can help you recognize that you’ve dropped them and then pick them back up for you. Because when you’re in a state of anxiousness it can be hard to see it for yourself or you do see it and you get more anxious and overwhelmed at the thought of trying to clean up the mess that’s been made. It’s hard and that’s why you need support. I know it can feel shameful when you feel like you don’t have a handle on your mental health, but I assure you, everyone has experienced it or has someone in their life who deals with it and the more we talk about it, the more normalized it will be. So when you’re in a good place, try to explain to other people. Tell them your triggers and what happens when you start to spiral. Tell them what to look for. Let them know that it’s not their responsibility not to trigger you or to fix you (because it’s not, that’s on you) but that when you get to those places you may need a little bit of extra space or extra help, depending on how you deal with things. Communicating will make them feel like they’re not just being pushed away every time you get into a bad place and it may just help you as you won’t be isolated and like I said earlier, that’s where the devil wants you to be.
I hope that this was helpful and encouraging and that you maybe found a new trick to help you or someone you love manage your anxiety. You don’t have to let it define you or live in it, there is freedom that waits for you in Jesus.
Thank you so much for listening in this week, I hope you’ll take what you heard today and set it on your heart. I pray that you’ll ask God to reveal to you what you’re supposed to take from it and what He wants to reveal to you. I encourage you to keep coming back to find solidarity in our shared experiences. If you’d like to share your own story, I would love to have you on. Just shoot me a message on Instagram - @riley_quin or send me an email- riley@rileyq.com and we’ll talk!
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As always, I’m so glad you’re here.
You’re wanted, needed and loved.
I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.